Dealing with Bullies

Today I have just read a blog that touched a chord with me.  I was planning  on commenting on the blog, but instead I will link you to their post in a minute, because I hope, in sharing my stories here, that it will help someone out there who may currently feel lost or alone.

This is for anyone who is being or has been bullied .. or who is aware of it going on somewhere in your work environment.  It takes confidence and courage to speak up, but bullying should never be allowed to thrive!

Please try to remember at all times, in whichever form they come and for whatever reason they do it, you don’t have to be a bully’s victim!

If you don’t value yourself, how will other people value you?

I’m a woman’s woman.  I have lots of female friends and colleagues whose company I enjoy immensely and that will never change for me, but interestingly, it has been only women who’ve bullied me ..

The  3 situations below were dealt with in 3 totally different ways.  Read on – and I hope that it helps anyone who gets into similar situations. 

JOB NUMBER 1:

A  job I had in my 20's.  A client of the company where I had been happily temping for some months, visited our offices.  He made an irresistible financial offer to tempt me to work for his company.  It was a huge decision to move as I knew I wouldn't get my temp assignment back. But I couldn't refuse the financial reward, so I moved. 

His business partner was a very attractive woman who was also dating him (he'd failed to mention this before I started working for them.)  She didn't want younger women near her man. She bullied me incessantly for 2 weeks.  I wasn't able to cope with it any longer so on the 2nd Friday, feeling defeated -  and knowing there was genuinely no way of solving that issue (she really didn’t want younger women in the office with her) - I quietly told her how I felt about her behaviour and walked out of the job, with no other immediate guarantee of work.  No work was better than unhappy work to me.

Case solved.  Because the bullying  was stopped.

 JOB NUMBER 2:

I was temping in a company with a traditional ‘typing pool.’  The office was open plan and there was also a mixed table of staff the other side of the room.  One of the female staff members on the mixed table took offence at how I’d easily fitted in with the main group of girls. She’d made clear how she felt about me during lunch-times in the staff room.  However, my new friends were so supportive, I was able to ignore her regular underhand and rude remarks.

Unbeknownst to me, just before Valentines day, she bought me a card and had started asking staff to sign it.  The main message on the card was one of sarcasm.  Her sole intention was to try to upset me.  And this, from a manager of a team!! Before I knew anything of the card (I’m not sure she managed more than her own signature before she was rumbled!) my team had quietly hopped up to HR and reported her actions. She was hauled over the coals and it was only after everything was settled that my friends told me what had happened.  Firstly, I felt honoured that they had been loyal enough to protect me in the way they did (I’d only known them a few weeks) .. and secondly that they wanted to tell me what had happened, so I was aware that this manager’s behaviour would now drastically change.

And change it did.

Case solved.  Because the bullying was stopped.

JOB NUMBER 3:

The third time was shortly after my brother Nigel died. 

Unable to concentrate on my normal work at the time, I decided to take a low key part-time job for a few months and started waitressing in a leading London casino.  A few months in, a regular client started to bully me, accusing me of knocking her deliberately with my serving tray or arm etc.  Once she had chosen me as her victim, she persisted regularly, complaining about me loudly in front of other customers and staff, for a couple of weeks.  But I soon saw the measure of her behaviour and refused to be bullied.  I didn’t want to lose my job, but stood up to her at the black jack table one night and publicly asked her why she kept accusing me of things I hadn't done, gave her my first name and asked her - if she had a problem with me - to complain to the management about me.

She became quite snappy and asked me to repeat my full name, confirming that she would be sure to complain.  I gave her the information she needed and felt relieved.  I was called into the manager's office on my next shift.

Here's how the conversation went:

Manager: You know why you're here.

Me: I do.  And thank you for inviting me in.  I appreciate it.  I have a problem with that customer.  She is bullying me without reason and I have tried to ignore it, plead innocence and also deny it.  Nothing has worked.  What would YOU do in that situation Mark (name has been changed)? (I then stayed silent, but looking directly at him)

A short pause ensued, during which he was clearly carefully considering the way I’d approached this .. asking for his advice.

Manager: She's known to be a bully.  She has already ruined the career of one girl, who has been permanently removed from the roulette tables because of this customer.  Tell the other waitresses that you don't have to deal with this customer anymore.

Me: Thank you Mark!

End of interview.

I told the  girls my good news and from thereon-in the most interesting (and rather sad!) thing happened.  That very customer started to ask for me personally.  She refused to be served by anyone else and would make a point - every time - of pointing out how pretty I looked that day; how lovely the ring was that I was wearing, how good my make-up.  It was completely obsequious, but ..

Case solved.  Because the bullying  was stopped.

Keep in mind that solving a situation doesn’t change the essence of the person who victimised you, but you CAN change things for the better for yourself and once someone is exposed as a bully, you will hopefully encourage others to deal with their problems too.

To confirm, no-one EVER has to accept being bullied.  It's a huge step, but if you're not satisfied with the way your management or union deal with the problem, it may, ultimately, be better for you to leave their employment.  I don't say that glibly; we all know that finding a new job isn't always easy, especially in the climate we're currently in, but your well being and future are so much more valuable than daily misery.  Better to extract yourself from a miserable situation that is detrimental to both your physical and mental health and look forward in a positive way, than to suffer at the hands of the misguided.

Here’s the link to the blog that inspired today’s article:

http://www.birdsontheblog.co.uk/busting-the-blls-of-business-bullies/#comments

For team building events that bring your team team TOGETHER ... call us on 07774 - 526065

or visit our website at:

www.chatterboxevents.co.uk

Images courtesy of Dreamstime.com

How Do You Find Happiness?

It's far too easy to get caught up in the endless round of work, housework, stress, work, sleep, family responsibilities, stress, work, daily disappointments, not enough sleep. But if we allowed ourselves just a little time away from the stuff we 'have' to do and do a bit more of the stuff that we'd 'really like to do' but don't make time for ... life would be SO much better and .. healthier.

Here are '11 1/2 Ways To Get Happy Fast' ...

1. Take a stroll somewhere you enjoy (a wood, a river, a beach)

2. Build or make something - Just for Fun!!

3. Spend some 'quality' time with your family, with no agenda

4. Teach someone some new skills and see how proud they are of their results

5. Take a break .. and take whoever you want with you!!

6. Go for a walk in the rain

7. Sunbathe, even on a chilly day

8. Savour every surprise that a day brings

9. Learn how to have fun!

10. Laugh with others

11.  And make others laugh

11 1/2. Finally, remember when it's time to relax ...

Looking for a balanced view on how to bring people together?
Call: Chatterbox Events on:

07774 - 526065

A Challenge for You!

I have a ONE minute challenge for you! Whizz through this post and check out the challenge.

The world has shrunk!  In the tap of a few fingers we can connect with someone visually on our phones to anywhere in the world. If we like a video on Utube, a comment on Facebook, a joke on Twitter, a programme on TV, we can share it with 1000's, maybe millions, of people (depending how controversial our post and whether or not it 'goes viral!')

So here I am, in business for the past 10 years, having resisted the temptation to 'share my little world' with 'the big wide world.' Until now.

There's a niggling.  A little itch.  It tickles me and bugs me and I keep thinking that it's about time I jump on the rollercoaster of social media and become more involved than I currently am.  Which is sitting pretty close to the zero mark right now.

So with this in mind, I have created a Twitter account and a Facebook page (the latter has been around for a while, but is as neglected as a stray peanut gathering dust under a sofa) and I'm going to set you a challenge:

For those who aren't very involved with social media, please join me and let's journey together! For those who are already experts - I know I'm not alone ;-) - take just one minute of your time to hook up with me on my pages and let's chat.  Who knows how many of us could help each other in business simply from indulging in some on-line conversation with people we may never otherwise have known? And .. if we've met through our work before, how lovely to re-connect!

Please click on the links below and LIKE my Twitter and Facebook pages. That will connect us - and then that little world out there is our oyster.  Woo hoo!

Thank you in advance .. and look forward to chatting to you on my new pages!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chatterbox-Events/224611650889528

https://twitter.com/sarahjackson100

There is one little note to add here. If you'd like to work for me as a speaker/entertainer or team builder, rather than joining me on the platforms below, please get straight on the phone and call me direct: 07958 - 615441 or drop me a line at: success@chatterboxevents.co.uk.  I'm always interested to meet first class people who I can promote. I look forward to hearing from you!

Check out our website at: hhtp:/www.chatterboxevents.co.uk

Top Six Tips How To Make a Team Building or Bonding Event Rock!

1. Consider what type of event will work for all your staff as a team.  Don't just choose something that will entertain yourself (the booker) or a few of your close colleagues. This may seem blindingly obvious, but we're all naturally drawn to things that appeal to ourselves first.

2. Have your event booker pre-arrange teams with the event organiser.  Don't leave your staff to choose their own teams on the day.  People gravitate to their friends.  Very few will approach people they may not get on with or don't know. If you're aiming to get the most out of your day, teaming relevant people together for each task is a key consideration.

3. Events held on your own premises can be hugely successful, but if you feel that your team needs a total refresher, simply taking them out of their day to day environment will put a whole new slant on your event. To quote an old one .. 'A change is as good as a rest!'

4. Take into account what your team building or bonding event is looking to achieve. Is it a thank you for hard work? Is it a good dollop of fun that you want?  Is it to revitalise creative juices? Perhaps you need to bring staff together who don't meet up regularly or who have yet to meet. Or .. do you need a more business-orientated event? Each event will offer you a different result, but all should be positive! Take time to think through what you're looking for, then take advice from professionals who will learn about your business needs and suggest the perfect event for you.

5. Bringing people together for team events is a positive investment in both you, your staff and your company's future.  Don't rush it.  Plan the event carefully with the expert you choose.  Decide whether a social following the event, or an over-night stay, would benefit the participants.  Socialising after a team event is often the best way to start a positive ball rolling.  People are already relaxed and any barriers have been broken down.  If you feel that staff need to get to know each other better, this could be the time to do it!

6. Whatever style of team build you choose, brief your staff about it and make it your business to ensure they are all in the right mindset to enjoy and benefit from your investment.. If you prepare your team and approach it all with a sense of fun and positivity - however serious the content may need to get - you should achieve what you set out to do!

Bye Bye Olypmics ... Hello Continued Positivity and Success!

So it's over.  Several weeks of the most inspiring sporting and human endeavours we've been lucky to witness in a long time.  However much or little of the staging of London's amazing Olympic events we have seen, I doubt that any of us have failed to be touched in some way by the personal stories of the torch bearers and athletes, the altruistic nature of the thousands of volunteers, the success of the forces in protecting the endless stream of visitors to what could have been a less than peaceful event without them  .. and of course the unbelievable achievements of such a huge number of the British competitors.  Naturally, we celebrate the success of every nation - each individual competitor is hugely successful to have qualified to take part and each winner, bronze, silver or gold, is a nation's pride - but it's something special when such a momumentous event is held in the capital of our own country and we are able to support, even in some small way, those who are taking part.

I was working locally the day the Olympic torch passed through our village and cycled like crazy to get to see it before it was too late!  My husband and I walked across the river bridge close to home and watched Wiggins race to his victorious Gold medal. Sadly, we didn't get to visit any of the venues, but we watched a fair few sporting moments moments from the comfort of our own home .. and cheered just as loudly as if we were in the stadium!

A sporting fever took place in Britain.  It's without doubt that millions of us have been hugely inspired by the weeks of incredible success enjoyed by our many athletes.  And as I type, the Victory Parade of  our new household names is weaving it's way through London's streets, from Mansion House to the Queen Victoria Memorial, to the deafening cheers of ten's of thousands of people.  What a fitting finale to the most exciting summer!

Yes, staging the Olympics cost us a fortune, but it's impossible to put a price on inspiring a nation.  This wasn't a short-term gain, it's a long-term one - not just for the winners in the pool, on the track or in other disciplines - it's the 'in your face' message to everyone of us, able-bodied, disabled, rich or poor:

This is an example of what you can achieve if you are passionate, focused, disclipined and you don't give up!

Here are some personal Olympic memories from my own summer ...

We held an Olympic party at home for our family and close family friends in August.  Here was some of the home-made food we served up!

Here's my lovely dad, who turns 91 this November, playing racket ball with two of my nephews in the garden during their stay!

A visit to Hampton Court Flower Show back in July afforded a viewing of various local schools' Olympic themed works of art. It was hard to pick a favourite, so here are a few of the best:

And finally, here's an amazing aeriel view (taken at home from the TV!) of our incredible Olympic Stadium. We had the teletext writing on screen at the time and look at the perfect message I captured in the second photo below.  Long may that continue!

 To your health, success and happiness ..

For team building events and inspirational speakers, take a look at:

hhtp:/www.chatterboxevents.co.uk